getting it out of your system
you know those times when you get a totally absurd thought in your mind, and no matter what you do, you can't get it out?
well, yesterday when i came home, i was pondering about in the fridge, trying to elaborate my evening feast. in my fridge, i found black pudding, just lying in the shades, on the top shelf. as i took it out of the fridge, my starving stomach roared. and then i found myself staring at it. the black pudding. to eat or not to eat, was the question at hand. or so one, might think. my question was more leaning towards if the pig whose blood i was about to digest had aids. and with that question, my mind froze.
now, how in jesus name am i going to eat black pudding, now that i, somehow, came to the conclusion had aids? i tried talking myself into that it just neede to be heated to 76°C. but it didn't work. and of course, i tried to tell myself, that i was just going mental on the poor pudding, but that, of course, definitely didn't help.
so i called a friend. tried to make him shake it off me. it didn't work. he almost convinced me to become a vegetarian, just to make sure that i didn't eat anything bloody.
what did help though was just to chat with him, letting it out so i could focus on something else. or getting it out of my system.
a dear, dear friend of mine is at the mental hospital and has been there for about a week. she has, from what i know, mentally collapsed, but is recovering and getting things that's been in her, out of her system, which is good. of course.
it makes me really ambivalent. i'm trying to stay strong, but at some points i burst. of course.
so when it comes to work, i've been a bit distracted, to say the least. and ambivalent to whether i should tell anyone at work about it. and with anyone, i'm mainly referring to my teamleader. i decided today that i was going to tell her. not an easy choice, i find, but i need to get it out of my system. expecially after today.
you see, i have a colleague who remarked on my perfomance at work today. she didn't think that i was doing good enough. and since, i have only felt an anger that's been growing. at my work, se have goals. of course. and our tl (teamleader) keeps statistics, which is open to everyone, since we all need to put in our data, our work in there. in my book, one can look, but not judge. and i work in the way that if i would use the statistics at hand, i would use them to see who is above me, so that i can work towards reaching their goals. and by that become better. but my colleague looked at the data from today that i had fed and thought that i should know that i hadn't done that many errands. which is like saying that i'm not doing my job. and that is the worst way to use statistics, between co-workers. i got so mad, that i almost cried. maybe i'm overreacting, but i feel violated. why comment such a thing? why make such a remark? why??! i don't understand it. it is not in her place to make remarks on the efforts i make at work. it is not in her place to control other co-workers results and base judgements according to them. she doesn't have a big enough picture to take a discussion on her co-workers efforts. is she calling me lazy? have bad working morale? what does she mean with making such a comment??! i got so mad about this, that i felt i couldn't even take my coffee break at the same time as the others, because i didn't want to sit and sip hot beverages close to her and her remarks.
so tomorrow. i'm getting it out of my system. which means war.
well, yesterday when i came home, i was pondering about in the fridge, trying to elaborate my evening feast. in my fridge, i found black pudding, just lying in the shades, on the top shelf. as i took it out of the fridge, my starving stomach roared. and then i found myself staring at it. the black pudding. to eat or not to eat, was the question at hand. or so one, might think. my question was more leaning towards if the pig whose blood i was about to digest had aids. and with that question, my mind froze.
now, how in jesus name am i going to eat black pudding, now that i, somehow, came to the conclusion had aids? i tried talking myself into that it just neede to be heated to 76°C. but it didn't work. and of course, i tried to tell myself, that i was just going mental on the poor pudding, but that, of course, definitely didn't help.
so i called a friend. tried to make him shake it off me. it didn't work. he almost convinced me to become a vegetarian, just to make sure that i didn't eat anything bloody.
what did help though was just to chat with him, letting it out so i could focus on something else. or getting it out of my system.
a dear, dear friend of mine is at the mental hospital and has been there for about a week. she has, from what i know, mentally collapsed, but is recovering and getting things that's been in her, out of her system, which is good. of course.
it makes me really ambivalent. i'm trying to stay strong, but at some points i burst. of course.
so when it comes to work, i've been a bit distracted, to say the least. and ambivalent to whether i should tell anyone at work about it. and with anyone, i'm mainly referring to my teamleader. i decided today that i was going to tell her. not an easy choice, i find, but i need to get it out of my system. expecially after today.
you see, i have a colleague who remarked on my perfomance at work today. she didn't think that i was doing good enough. and since, i have only felt an anger that's been growing. at my work, se have goals. of course. and our tl (teamleader) keeps statistics, which is open to everyone, since we all need to put in our data, our work in there. in my book, one can look, but not judge. and i work in the way that if i would use the statistics at hand, i would use them to see who is above me, so that i can work towards reaching their goals. and by that become better. but my colleague looked at the data from today that i had fed and thought that i should know that i hadn't done that many errands. which is like saying that i'm not doing my job. and that is the worst way to use statistics, between co-workers. i got so mad, that i almost cried. maybe i'm overreacting, but i feel violated. why comment such a thing? why make such a remark? why??! i don't understand it. it is not in her place to make remarks on the efforts i make at work. it is not in her place to control other co-workers results and base judgements according to them. she doesn't have a big enough picture to take a discussion on her co-workers efforts. is she calling me lazy? have bad working morale? what does she mean with making such a comment??! i got so mad about this, that i felt i couldn't even take my coffee break at the same time as the others, because i didn't want to sit and sip hot beverages close to her and her remarks.
so tomorrow. i'm getting it out of my system. which means war.
Labels:
food,
relationships,
work
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